Fire years and three months ago I was at a low point. I graduated from college in the spring with a bachelors degree and couldn't be any prouder. I did it. I went to college, was the first person in my family to get a degree, and now I could say I was a college graduate. With that magic piece of paper I expected multiple doors to open.
And they didn't.
They were closed tight and I couldn't find the key. I spent a summer as a college educated janitor. I helped to clean a large unnamed hunting store and was the only woman on staff. The pay wasn't great, I was treated like an underling by all involved, I learned quickly how inconsiderate and filthy humans can be, and I was miserable. I looked for other work and couldn't find anything. I became ill, violently ill, and I quit the job. After years of doing what I thought was right I found myself wondering what I had done wrong, why could I not succeed, and how come the college degree I had received seemed worthless.
I fell into a pit of despair. I missed college life and the consistency school had provided. I felt that after years of learning from September until June, my brain was now shriveling up. So, I began to read with a purpose. If I couldn't find a job and I couldn't go back to school I would at least devour all the books I had collected over the years.
Then I thought: why not write about them?
I began recording my thoughts and emotions to the books I read and so began this blog.
Five years out of college, five years with this blog, and I feel like I'm back on track. With determination (or you could say stubbornness, I often do) I worked as a waitress, a gas station employee, then a book seller, copy editor and tutor. Things got better but I was still living at home. I was still living paycheck to paycheck and had absolutely no opportunities for adventure. Something had to change so I packed my things and moved to DC. I slept on an air mattress for a few months in a spare room of my friend's. I scanned maps to pay bills and applied to five jobs a day.
Then it happened - I landed a full time job - my first! Suddenly life was busier. I woke up, traveled an hour and a half to work, worked 8.5 hours, then traveled the same distance home. I didn't have a lot of time once I was home before I had to get into bed. Writing out thoughtful blog entries became hard to do. I still found time though.
I moved closer to my job a number of months ago and suddenly had much more free time. Then I met Bruce and what free time I had was devoted to him. But with the momentum to always achieve and look for the best scenario, getting a boyfriend wasn't the only life change I had.
In January I left my job and started another. One that asks much more of me than any job I've ever had before. One that is much more intense and serious and gives me such responsibility that I often feel overwhelmed. It is overwhelming and I feel exhausted from being alert all the time. But this is something else I want to take on, something else I want to conquer, and it's always good to keep improving yourself. But maybe it'll pass, I've only been there for two weeks after all.
But because I'm a little insane, I'm moving again while getting a handle on the new job. I'm moving further from work but closer to my boyfriend. I'm paying half the rent that I used to and hoping to be able to buy a car by summer. My commute is going to stretch out again and I'll have more free time to read on the train to and from work and then after work I can see my boyfriend more regularly.
Work is going to likely take over a good portion of my life but I can't forget to live. Outside of work, I'm happy with how my life is going. I get to travel, I enjoy the company of my boyfriend and his friends, I feel alive and well and happy.
I've been slowly backing away from this blog for some time and have continuously declared that I would get back to writing once I had the time. But to be honest, I don't know if I have the time. Actually, that's a lie. I do have time but I would rather spend that time doing other things. I still love to read and I still want to express my opinions of books but I just don't have the time to do both. I also feel that this blog has served its job, its purpose, in giving me a sense of purpose while I was so desperately looking for a way to "make it."
This blog is going to close.
I am going to keep the page up, because it still serves a purpose for memory and nostalgia and who knows, maybe years down the road I'll find myself with more time and a need to blog again. But for now... it's time for me to step away and focus on other things.
- You can still see what I'm reading and the occasional book review here on my goodreads page.
- You are welcome to follow me on Instagram which is my current obsession.
- You can also follow my travel blog which I will only occasionally update as I do not travel as much as I'd like
- And you are welcome to follow me on Twitter which will be a bit more personal now.
Also, I'm going to keep my Facebook Page still running as I like to share book related articles. Plus you're welcome to check out Soon Remembered Tales on Tumblr where I plan to continue updating with bookish imagery.
Until next time, readers.